Mine’s Store Bought…

So, God made me wrong. He gave me the wrong parts.

Bastard.

And I’ve been walking around this 31 years with these wrong parts thinking there was nothing to do about it.

That I was stuck.

Turns out I was wrong. Turns out I have options. Turns out sex shops are good for more than just sex.

We have several “adult novelty” shops here in town, but only one that I would consider visiting by myself, without a weapon. So, I found myself without said weapon at Hustle of Hollywood perusing their goods & trying to look like a decent non-transgendered lesbian. Trying to look as if I were the type of person who were looking to buy a phallic object to stick inside of me &/or my partner for sexual purposes & not for casual everyday wearing in my BVDs as a replacement for what God did not give me. Trying to give the purple vibrators just as much attention as the flesh-tone-with-veins dildos so as not to call attention to myself.

Because one does not want attention called to ones self in a sex shop.

Particularly when one knows that one is the outsider.

*sigh*

Fuck you, God.

So, I found & purchased my first dick, seven inches, flesh tone with veins, balls, that fun ridge on the bottom of the shaft, oh, & a positionable vertebra.

I couldn’t wait to try it out. I got out to my truck, unbuckled & unzipped my pants, & snugged it into it’s rightful place. Right where God had forgotten to put it.

It was near orgasmic.

And I dress to the left.

The positionable vertebra makes it seem like I have a hard-on. I felt like a 14 year old. I couldn’t keep my hands off of it! I drove the entire way home with my hands on my new penis.

It felt so right.

I felt so right.

For the first time ever, I felt whole.

I was also utterly terrified.

I was sure at any moment a cop was going to pull me over & when he did he was surely going to notice the 7-inch hard-on in my lap & I was going to have some explaining to do. All I could think was “stick to a lesbian story, stick to a lesbian story” some bullshit about “my partner wants me to do this, it’s so weird, but it’s what the lady wants!” anything but “oh, I’m a transgendered person” because that just translates to “I’m a freak & would like to be harassed, please & thanks”.

But one did not, in fact no one has noticed. Unless you count the new found confidence I have, people notice that. People notice & respond to that.

So, fuck you God…

Mine’s store-bought.